Be Still, My Mamma Heart

Today is your first birthday.

This very day last year we were told that we were doing an emergency c-section and that we were going to meet you both 7 weeks early.

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Your dad and I were filled with so many emotions but the emotion that trumped all was the excitement of becoming parents to two beautiful girls, no matter if it wasn’t the way we had expected starting out as parents. We honestly just wanted you to make it here safe and to have the opportunity to raise you as our own.

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And then with the very first blow to my chest, your dad looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me that they just took ‘baby A’  from my stomach and rushed her to the NICU. There was no cry, no holding you up to see you. But there was no time to think.

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They then told me again to prepare for the next blow to my chest. Oli looked into my tired eyes and told me that I can do it one more time. The next blow came and I heard something faint, like a stifled cry, as they whisked our second baby, ‘baby B’ to the NICU.

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After they had taken you both back to the NICU, the doctor explained that dad could go back to see you while they stitched me up.

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While dad was back with you, they started to take me back to my room. Your grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncle came rushing to me as they were taking me back to the room. There was much excitement as we took in the fact that the twins were here! But the c-section had taken a toll on my blood pressure (the doctor exclaimed while during the c-section that my blood could shoot through the roof if he were to let it) and our family was immediately dismissed as the nurse and your dad (he came back quickly to see how I was doing) tried to calm me down.

I was on the Magnesium sulphate (an anticonvulsant -it helps to stop you having a seizure) so I honestly was very dazed through most all of this. That stuff really did some crazy things to me while I was on it. Being that my blood pressure simply wouldn’t come down to where it was safe, they had to leave it in me longer than anticipated.

That being said, I remember when they let me finally go and see you when they felt that I was safe enough with my blood pressure. It was around 2:00 or 3:00 a.m.

It was one of the hardest things that I have witnessed still to this day as I went in and saw my three-and-a-half pound babies (pictures of course, will never do it justice).

The NICU was hard, really hard, but knowing that you two were being kept safe and alive was what kept us moving forward.

We learned a lot about faith during this time. Not faith in the sense that nothing bad will ever happen and that everything will run smoothly kind of way. But faith in the way that God is aware of our little family and He is watching out for us, through the good and the bad. He will not leave us to suffer alone. He is there through it all and is there to carry our burdens. “He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.” Psalm 121:4

To this day I still can’t post pictures of you two with your feeding tubes in and other things that were connected to you (they didn’t put that all in when your dad took those pictures up above right when they first took you to the NICU).

You two are our miracle babies. Our little angels.

Thank you for such a beautiful year of your life. Thank you for making us parents. Thank you for making us better.

My dear little ones, thank your for such a glorious first year.

We love you.

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Happy birthday my littles.

xoxo,

Mom and Dad

. “He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.” Psalm 121:4 – See more at: http://www.mormonwomen.com/2010/05/19/five-under-five/#sthash.7fQTYTmi.dpuf
. “He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.” Psalm 121:4 – See more at: http://www.mormonwomen.com/2010/05/19/five-under-five/#sthash.7fQTYTmi.dpuf

11 thoughts on “Be Still, My Mamma Heart

  1. Happy birthday to your girls and happy birth-giving day to you!

    Almost 19 years ago we had our twin girls. I was on the magnesium sulfate for 5 days and that stuff was horrible! It became necessary to have them (I had HELLP syndrome). Born at 33 weeks, just 3 and 4 lbs. When they whisked them away and I hadn’t laid eyes on them it was the worst feeling. Their dad raced to his parents house to borrow a video camera so he could film them for me since I could not be with them. It was 24 hours before we’d meet!

    Now they are young adults and I have never regretted one moment! :D Congrats again, they are beautiful girls!

    • Kimi76,
      Thank you for much for the sweet comment!

      What a beautiful birth story (and not being able to see them for 24 hours, how hard!) and I am so glad that you have never regretted one moment. It is always so wonderful to hear from another twin mom!

      Thanks again!

    • Camille,
      It’s so good to hear from you! I have loved reading about your adventures in Alabama and watching your beautiful girls grow up. What a fun thing for them to experience!
      Thanks for wishing the girls’ a happy birthday! It means so much to us!

  2. Oh what beauties! Happy Birthday ladies :) I had a very similar experience at 31 weeks, 6 days. Identical twin girls born via emergency c section and rushed straight to the NICU. :(

    • Heather C,

      Thank you so much for your comment!
      It’s incredible how comforting it is to know of other moms who have gone through a similar situation with their delivery. Not that I would want to wish it on anyone, but it’s nice to know that those who have gone through this can come together and be there for one another!

  3. They are so beautiful! And holy cow, how tiny they were!! They are the sweetest little girls. I hope they had such a wonderful birthday. We sure love them, and you two too I guess :).

    • Jenn!
      I just loved your comment! It made my day.

      Thanks for wishing them a Happy Birthday! We hope that they had a good birthday :) It was at least fun for us as their parents! Haha

      Thank you so much for the sweet things you said about the girls, it means so much to me!

      We love you guys!!!

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